they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
