i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
