i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
