I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
