It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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