Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize