I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
