We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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