think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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