take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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