the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
