we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
