My hand turned me down
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
