Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He did a backflip because drugs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
