his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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