He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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