I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
