"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
