Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
