I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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