Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
