youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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