The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
