just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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