ugly people sure do ruin things
Princesses don't give blow jobs
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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