i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
