Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
