and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
