Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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