also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We are two peas in an std pod
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize