I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
