is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
