I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
