wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Randomize
