i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize