as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
