I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
