I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
two words...techno handjob
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He shit in the fireplace
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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