Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
