how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize