If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
