i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
