i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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