i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize