I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
