my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
