Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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