He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
