so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
