I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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