Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
