You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As shirtless as possible
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize