tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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