She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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