There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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