he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my shit smells like andre
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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