I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
