I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
