Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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