I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
