Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
