I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
