how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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