Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
