Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
