Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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