I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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