we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just blew my weed a kiss
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
