omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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