I seem to have left my pride at pride
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
