is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
