Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize