twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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