I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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