I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sober January is a disaster.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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