i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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