I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
