I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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