I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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