wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize