saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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