Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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