I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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