birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
