I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
