Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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