I'm gonna have a badass scar
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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