Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
