I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
