U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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