last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
