you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
