Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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